Monday, January 2, 2012

Our baby girl

    I am not exactly sure what to write here about our little girl, but it is very important to me so I am not going to worry about who this might offend or  make feel awkward. I know it does make people sometimes feel uncomfortable, but it is a reality and it is my reality.
    One year ago I was 25 weeks pregnant with a little girl. I was getting ready to go home to my parents house for Christmas but I had a doctors appt. that I had to go to first. When the doctor was checking me out she could not find the baby's heart beat. I was not too alarmed by this as I thought maybe my placenta was anterior, and previously a newer doctor and he had difficulties hearing the heart beat. My doctor tried not to alarm me but suggested that I needed to get an ultrasound prior to leaving for the holidays. I quickly went to work, to see if Leanne(the best ultrasound tech ever) could fit me in, not fully realizing how serious the situation really was. I really had not mentally prepared myself for what was about to happen, I just really thought that everything would be fine(because Shane and I were very prayerful about adding to our family, and we just felt so good and excited about having a sweet little girl).
    I had my ultrasound and it was quickly determined that my little girl was no longer alive. Fetal demise. I automatically was so scared and devastated, and wondered what would happen(I was already really big and showing-how was I going to get the baby out of me)Truthfully I was in shock and even embarrassed-weird I know. I was at work and minutes before I was laughing and joking around with everyone and now everyone was going to see me sad. It was all so weird.
    Very long and emotional story short, I called Shane, my Mom and one of my best friends Serena Depew. When Shane came to pick me up we wept and went and made plans for the delivery.We really were heartbroken and so so sad. We made arrangements for Hudson to go to Serena`s place and went to the hospital. It was terrible.
    I had to have a labour induced and I delivered our little Piper later the next day. I have to say that it was really strange because everything seemed so familiar to when I was having Hudson, I had to remind myself constantly that we would not be going home with a baby. The labour, contractions, anticipation was all so familiar. My kind parents came to Edmonton to be with us and help with Hudson. I am so grateful my Mom could be there and hold little Piper. Piper was almost 2 lbs and 12inches long. Holding her little body was amazing.
     I have to say the Nurses and Doctors and the program they have for Moms like me at the Grey Nuns is amazing. The people who cared for me, I consider to be angels on this earth. They were the kindest, most genuine, caring people ever. They helped me so much.I will love them forever for their pure service to me and my family.
     While Piper was with us, we truly felt so peaceful and felt of her spirit very strongly. It was a feeling I have never experienced before, but I know her spirit was there helping us and comforting us. I felt an incredible amount of love for her then, and I still do today. She is not here with us now, but she remains a big part of our family. I have already written extensively about this experience elsewhere, so I don`t feel the need to go into all of the sad details of that day, but December 22 is our Pipers birthday and I wanted to write about it here.
     December 21 was a really sad day for me and I spent most of the day crying. I woke up on the 22nd and decided that today was not only the day our daughter passed, but it was also her birthday, so we determined on that day we will celebrate her birthday. My parents were coming up to spend Christmas with us, and I had young women's so we didn't do too much, but we lit sparklers and sang Happy
Birthday to our girl. It was special and I feel relieved that in the future I don't need to worry about the Christmas season feeling sad, because we are going to celebrate our little baby who is waiting for us in a better place.

    I have to just note too, that I am so thankful for such supportive and kind people in my life who have helped our little family so much as we have grieved our loss. My mom brought me a sweet figurine of a woman holding her baby and my sweet sister in law Amy brought us some flowers today. They will never know how much those kind acts meant to me.That along with so many people's kind words, phone calls, text messages, and emails, mean the world to me.
    We love you little Piper and we feel you watching over us. We are so thankful of our knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ and can't wait to be reunited with you again one day! Love, Your Mom

1 comment:

  1. You are my hero Linds, your testimony never waivered, only grew stronger. The gospel truly is an amazing gift to know you will get to be with her again, that it wasn't good bye, just see you later. You have not gotten stuck on the sad part of what happened and I admire that about you so much. I wish we lived closer together I sure could use being around you and your always glass half full attiture. I love you